Buddhist Monk Reveals How Modern Life Fuels Loneliness, Anxiety & Misunderstood Meditation
InterviewThe Diary Of A CEO•272,355 views•Jun 23, 2025
Gelong Thubten shares his journey from trauma to monkhood, exposing the mental health crisis behind screen addiction, desire, and how true meditation heals.
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Blurb
What this video covers:
- Gelong Thubten, a Buddhist monk with 30+ years of experience, reveals how modern Western life, with its constant screen time and consumer culture, secretly fuels loneliness, anxiety, and depression.
- He shares his personal story of trauma, burnout, and a heart condition that led him to a monastery and a 4-year silent retreat.
- The video debunks common meditation myths, explaining that meditation is not about clearing the mind but about learning to observe and gently return focus, strengthening mental control.
- Thubten explains how desire and the endless pursuit of external goals create emotional emptiness, and how true happiness comes from inner freedom and non-attachment.
- He discusses the power of compassion and mindfulness in healing trauma, coping with grief, and practicing forgiveness, even in extreme circumstances.
- Practical advice on incorporating meditation into daily life, including micro-meditations during stressful moments, and why meditation enhances effectiveness and clarity at work.
- The video also touches on the cultural epidemic of fear driven by media and technology, and how meditation helps protect the mind.
This conversation is a deep dive into mental well-being, spirituality, and practical mindfulness for anyone feeling overwhelmed by modern life's pressures.
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Highlighted Clips
Gelong Thubten's Personal Journey to Monkhood
Thubten shares his traumatic past, heart condition, and how these experiences led him to seek healing through Buddhism and meditation.
The Real Meaning of Meditation
Explains why meditation is not about clearing the mind but about observing thoughts and returning focus to the breath, strengthening mental control.
How Desire Fuels Anxiety and Emptiness
Discusses the dopamine-driven cycle of wanting and how Western culture's focus on external goals leads to emotional dissatisfaction.
Healing Trauma with Compassionate Mindfulness
Thubten describes using meditation to face pain directly, sending love to suffering parts of the body, and transforming grief and anger.
Introduction to the Hidden Mental Struggle
The video opens with a powerful statement about the human condition in modern life: "we're all at the mercy of our own minds," yet society constantly convinces us that we are "not good enough" and that happiness depends on external circumstances. This sets the stage for the core message that many people become "prisoners of life," trapped by their own mental narratives and external pressures.
"We're constantly made to feel we're not good enough something's always missing and I will be happy or unhappy if this or that happens to me so we become prisoners of life."
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Gelong Thubten, a Buddhist monk with over 30 years of experience, shares his personal journey of suffering, including a 4-year silent retreat where painful memories surfaced, leading to intense depression and anxiety. His story of hitting rock bottom and learning to confront rather than escape pain introduces meditation as a transformative tool.
"I became controlled by distraction controlled by negative thinking... things only changed when I hit rock bottom."
Key points:
- Modern life fosters a sense of inadequacy and dependency on external events for happiness.
- Personal suffering can be overwhelming but facing it is necessary for healing.
- Meditation is introduced as a method to regain control over the mind.
Why Meditation and Mindfulness Matter More Than Ever
Gelong Thubten emphasizes that meditation is crucial now due to the "speeding up of life" and the overwhelming influx of information through technology. He highlights widespread misconceptions about meditation, aiming to clarify its true purpose.
"Meditation has become more widespread there are loads of misconceptions about it so I do try to put some effort into clarifying some of those misconceptions."
He critiques Western society’s addiction to phones and constant information flow, which "affects our stress levels and also affects our confidence levels," making people feel perpetually incomplete.
"We're constantly made to feel something's missing, we're not good enough... so we've kind of lost our power."
Key points:
- The rapid pace and information overload of modern life increase anxiety and disconnection.
- Meditation is misunderstood; it is not about escaping reality but about mastering the mind.
- Western culture’s consumerist messages fuel a persistent feeling of lack.
The Search for Purpose and Its Pitfalls
Thubten connects the modern obsession with purpose to the decline of religion, which historically provided a framework for meaning. In a "post-religious culture," individuals become fixated on external goals, which Buddhism views as an insatiable "wanting mind."
"The word purpose itself suggests I want something... the more you want the more you're going to want."
He clarifies that seeking purpose is not wrong, but the mistake lies in believing happiness comes from outside ourselves.
"We are obsessed with the idea that happiness comes from the outside... so we become at the receiving end of life."
Meditation, he explains, teaches us to become "our own purpose" by learning to "take hold of your own mind."
Key points:
- Purpose is often externally focused, leading to endless desire and dissatisfaction.
- True happiness arises from internal mastery, not external achievements.
- Meditation empowers individuals to generate their own experience of purpose.
The Western Mental Health Crisis
The discussion turns to alarming statistics about declining happiness and rising suicide rates in the US and UK, despite unprecedented material comfort.
"We have developed the most materially comfortable culture in history... and yet emotionally more uncomfortable."
Thubten attributes this paradox to the "mechanisms of desire" and the consumer culture that perpetually promises the "next hit," trapping people in a cycle of wanting.
"Searching is a habit that will lead to more searching... we get what we want and then very soon we want something else."
He explains the dopamine-driven nature of pursuit, where the chase is more exciting than the attainment, leaving people feeling empty.
"What we're really looking for is the absence of wanting... that's the happiness we achieve when we get what we want."
Key points:
- Material wealth does not equate to emotional well-being.
- The dopamine cycle fuels endless craving and dissatisfaction.
- Meditation reveals that freedom from wanting is the true source of happiness.
Gelong Thubten’s Personal Journey to Monastic Life
Thubten shares his own story of extreme suffering leading to monasticism. He describes a "dangerous party lifestyle" and a severe burnout at age 21, including a heart condition that forced him to confront his life choices.
"I was living in this kind of ambition cycle... I had a very self-loathing and unhappy mind."
He reveals traumatic experiences from his teenage years, including sexual abuse, which left deep psychological imprints and contributed to his mental health struggles.
"There were some situations where the relationships turned abusive... I was a victim."
Despite loving parents, family upheaval and personal trauma compounded his difficulties, culminating in expulsion from Oxford University due to depression.
"I got horrendously depressed and I actually got expelled... because I was just not functional."
Key points:
- Personal trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms led to mental and physical collapse.
- Early life experiences shaped his internal negative voice, which he calls his "devil voice."
- His journey to the monastery was initially a temporary refuge but became a lifelong commitment.
Life as a Monk: Sacrifice and Relief
Thubten explains that becoming a monk involved vows of celibacy and abstaining from intoxicants, which he found to be a relief rather than a sacrifice.
"The things I was giving up were the things that made me ill... it felt like immediate relief."
He challenges the misconception that monks are lonely, describing how celibacy fosters "heart-based" friendships free from sexual distractions.
"You develop stronger relationships... you meet lots of people who are on the same path."
Celibacy is framed not as suppression but as an opportunity to observe and transform desire, learning that "you are more than your desire."
"It's about working with desire... observing it and learning ways to transform it."
Key points:
- Monastic vows support mental clarity and healing.
- Celibacy enhances deep, non-sexual connections.
- Desire is not denied but understood and transcended through mindfulness.
Meditation: Misconceptions and Real Practice
Thubten candidly admits he "hated meditation" at first because he misunderstood it as clearing the mind, which only intensified his stress and negative thoughts.
"I thought meditation is about clearing the mind... the more I tried the louder it was shouting."
He clarifies that meditation is not about emptying the mind but about changing the relationship with thoughts, learning to be "less controlled by your mind."
"It's about learning how to be less controlled by your mind... not about getting rid of the thoughts."
The practice involves focusing on the breath, noticing when the mind wanders, and gently returning attention, which strengthens the ability to choose where to place the mind.
"Every time you return to the breath you are making a very powerful decision."
This process trains the mind to be the "CEO of your own mind," rather than being hijacked by thoughts.
"Meditation puts you behind the wheel of the car... you are choosing where to send your mind."
Key points:
- Meditation is misunderstood as mind-clearing; it is actually mind-training.
- The core technique is breath focus combined with gentle redirection.
- Regular practice builds mental strength and freedom from negative thought patterns.
Meditation’s Impact on Effectiveness and Success
Thubten addresses the myth that meditation makes people "too relaxed" or less driven, explaining that it actually enhances presence, precision, and resilience.
"Meditation is about precision... being less controlled by distraction and negative thinking."
He cites examples of successful CEOs and entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs, Ray Dalio, and Oprah Winfrey who credit meditation for their clarity and effectiveness.
"Ray Dalio said meditation more than anything in my life is the biggest ingredient of whatever success I've had."
The calmness meditation cultivates is not tranquilized passivity but a "cool head under fire," enabling better focus and emotional control.
"Calm as being able to keep a cool head under fire and be really precise."
Key points:
- Meditation supports high performance by improving focus and emotional regulation.
- Many top leaders use meditation as a tool for success.
- Calmness from meditation is active clarity, not lethargy.
Buddhism’s View on Victimhood, Identity, and Trauma
The conversation shifts to how Buddhism approaches identity and trauma, contrasting it with the common victimhood narrative.
"We identify incredibly strongly with our past... Buddhism brings in a whole fresh perspective which is that you are not your past."
Buddhism teaches that the past and future are illusions, and true freedom comes from living in the present moment, reducing attachment to fixed stories.
"The past is an illusion as is the future... with meditation you're learning to be in the now."
Thubten uses the metaphor of a table to illustrate emptiness: when broken down, the table ceases to exist as a solid object, paralleling how our perceptions are constructed and not absolute.
"If you take apart this table you'll find it doesn't exist... what we're experiencing is more like a dream or an illusion."
This understanding helps alleviate suffering by loosening the grip of rigid mental narratives and emotional burdens.
Key points:
- Identity tied to past trauma is a source of suffering.
- Present-moment awareness reduces attachment to painful stories.
- Reality is less solid than it seems; this insight fosters mental freedom.
Letting Go of Stories to Alleviate Burdens
Thubten shares a practical approach to healing: "dropping the story and looking at the feeling." This means separating the emotional experience from the narrative we tell ourselves about it.
"For me it became very important practice... dropping the story and looking at the feeling."
He describes how this practice was central during his four-year retreat, helping him move beyond identification with suffering.
Key points:
- Emotional pain can be lessened by detaching from the stories that amplify it.
- Meditation supports this process by cultivating mindful observation.
- Long retreats provide the environment to deeply practice this letting go.
This detailed breakdown covers the first 3170 seconds of the video, capturing Gelong Thubten’s personal story, his insights on meditation, the mental health crisis in Western culture, and the Buddhist approach to suffering and identity. The narrative is rich with personal vulnerability, practical wisdom, and clarifications that demystify meditation and Buddhism for a modern audience.
Key Questions
Because Western culture bombards us with constant information and consumer messages that make us feel 'not good enough' and always wanting more, creating a cycle of desire and dissatisfaction.
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