Мадияр Нурманбетов: Сколько стоит девственность? Откровенный стендап о любви, отношениях и жизни

Madiyar Nurmanbetov kicks off his set with a humorous take on his dramatic weight loss, joking about how even his iPhone fails to recognize him now. He shares the absurdity of his daily weigh-ins, where the scale's readings fluctuate wildly depending on the floor's evenness. This self-deprecating humor sets the tone for his candid storytelling.

"Каждое утро я взвешиваюсь смотрю 95 кг... перекладываю весы сюда 93... Я толстый." 1:08
"Иногда доходит до абсурда реально меня иногда iPhone не узнаёт." 0:46

Key points:

• Lost 30 kg, which surprised even his phone.
• Daily weigh-ins are inconsistent due to uneven floors.
• Uses humor to cope with body image and weight fluctuations.

Madiyar admits he never really exercised, relying instead on lifestyle changes like moving apartments and cutting down on energy drinks. He paints a vivid picture of his past sedentary life, emphasizing how little effort he put into fitness.

"Я вообще не бегал... я просто скидывал самол где есть диван всё Энергетик сковородка мне больше ничего не нужно." 2:52

Key points:

• No running or formal exercise involved in weight loss.
• Lifestyle changes and environment played a big role.
• Humorously highlights laziness and minimal effort.

He surprises the audience by revealing he had a girlfriend born in 2003, highlighting the generational gap with playful banter about their different cultural references, like Naruto. Their communication was quirky, mixing languages and slang.

"У меня была девушка... 2003 года рождения... я её называл милая, она меня агай." 3:26
"Она говорит я Наруто не смотрела... я говорю Прикинь когда ты родилась я уже умел читать и писать." 4:10

Key points:

• Had a relationship with a much younger girl.
• Cultural and generational differences created humorous misunderstandings.
• Used playful nicknames and mixed languages.

Madiyar jokes about the explicit photos his girlfriend posted on Instagram, contrasting it with how rarely he even saw his own backside. He humorously mentions needing a VPN to view her content, poking fun at generational and privacy differences.

"У неё были очень откровенные фотки в inst... чтобы написать приходилось VPN включать." 4:59

Key points:

• Girlfriend was very open on social media.
• He was more private and traditional.
• Highlights generational and personality contrasts.

He shares a funny story about mishearing and misunderstanding words like "ай мача" (iced matcha) and confusing it with "моча" (urine), leading to a comedic moment about expensive drinks and language barriers.

"Она мне как-то сказала Возьми мне пожалуйста ай мача... я стою думаю мне в ЦОН ехать надо." 5:30
"Оказалось правильно не мача а моча вонючая." 5:46

Key points:

• Language and cultural misunderstandings in relationships.
• Humor derived from mispronunciations and word confusion.
• Reflects on the challenges of communication.

Madiyar describes his girlfriend as "breathing through alternative pathways," a humorous euphemism for her alternative lifestyle. He contrasts this with his traditional Kazakh family background, emphasizing the cultural expectations placed on women, especially in rituals like tea pouring.

"Она была из модных из тех кто дышит альтернативными путями." 6:25
"Я из традиционной казахской семьи... девушки в плане традиций реально очень сложно." 7:18

Key points:

• Girlfriend had an alternative, modern lifestyle.
• Madiyar comes from a traditional background.
• Cultural rituals like tea serving are significant and challenging.

He humorously laments the complexity of traditional tea pouring rituals, describing the "пи алуш" (tea waste bowl) and the unpleasantness of cleaning it. This segment highlights the cultural depth and the sometimes overlooked difficulties of tradition.

"Девушки как мне вас жалко... когда она сидит... чайный диджей... возле неё есть вот эта пи алуш." 7:28
"Я один раз пальц засунул у меня ноготь выпал." 7:53

Key points:

• Traditional tea serving is a detailed and demanding ritual.
• The tea waste bowl is unpleasant to deal with.
• Uses vivid imagery to evoke empathy and humor.

Madiyar contrasts his experiences with different girlfriends, noting how some took a long time to choose food in cafes, while others were more decisive and caring, even bringing him a "sick box" when he was ill, though the contents were comically unhelpful.

"Она такая пря ваты для марите... уходил год выбирать блюдо." 8:07
"Она мне отправ бокс для больного человека... в котором каждая вещь по отдельности нихуя не помогает." 9:28

Key points:

• Different girlfriends showed varying levels of care and decisiveness.
• The "sick box" was a humorous failure in practical help.
• Highlights the diversity of relationship dynamics.

He talks about his current relationship, which is unconventional because the girl has other boyfriends. Madiyar finds this arrangement convenient since he cannot afford expensive gifts, so he supports her in smaller ways.

"У неё помимо меня есть другие парни... очень удобно." 10:22
"Ей кто-то iPhone дарит, я пойду плёнку куплю." 10:44

Key points:

• Open relationship dynamic.
• Financial limitations shape his role.
• Finds humor and practicality in the situation.

Madiyar shares a shocking story about a girl who sold her virginity for 3 million tenge, then had surgery to restore it for 100,000 tenge, and sold it again for 2 million tenge. He marvels at the business savvy behind this.

"Она продала свою девственность за 3 млн тенге... сделала операцию по восстановлению девственности... и снова продавать." 11:09
"Ты чистая прибыль 4,9 млн." 14:16

Key points:

• Virginity as a commodity with a resale market.
• Surgical restoration to resell virginity.
• Highlights the absurdity and entrepreneurial spirit.

He humorously laments that male virginity cannot be sold, joking about how men lose it for free or even pay for the experience. He imagines a market where male virginity could be monetized.

"Мужская девственность спроси жаль нашу с вами нельзя продать." 11:43
"Если бы мужскую девственость можно было продать я бы мошен." 12:16

Key points:

• Male virginity is culturally undervalued monetarily.
• Jokes about the unfairness of this.
• Imagines a market for male virginity.

Madiyar recalls the awkwardness of losing virginity, emphasizing the social pressure to be surprised and respectful, but not overly so. He jokes about the expectations and the reality of the experience.

"Когда девушка раздевается нужно удивляться... но не пере барчи." 12:57

Key points:

• Social scripts around first sexual encounters.
• Pressure to act a certain way.
• Uses humor to demystify the experience.

He ends with a quick joke about his nickname "Madik" and a funny story about his sister being scared of someone following her, wrapping up the set with lighthearted personal touches.

"Мадик носит слишком широкие штаны чтобы не палиться." 14:46
"Сестра старшая звонит говорит адият за мной кто-то идёт мне страшно." 14:53

Key points:

• Nickname humor.
• Family anecdotes.
• Keeps the tone playful and relatable.

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This video is a blend of personal stories, cultural observations, and sharp humor, all delivered with Madiyar Nurmanbetov’s distinctive candid style. From weight loss struggles to unconventional relationships and the economics of virginity, he navigates sensitive topics with wit and a touch of absurdity, making the audience both laugh and reflect.